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MSN.COM  - November '05

The truth about bachelor parties
by Randy B. Hecht

Should you stress about bachelor parties? How many guys cross the line…and will your guy be one of them? What's up with this need for "one last night of freedom" before the wedding, anyway? Are they saying they expect that, once they’re married, they’ll never have fun again?

According to Blaire Allison of New York's Metro Event Planners, the extent to which you'd be upset by what goes on at a bachelor party depends on what kind of night the groom's friends have planned.

Parties held in a public place, whether a bar, a restaurant, or even a strip club, don't run as wild as those for which a private room is rented. There are some things one just doesn’t do in public — if only because the establishment in question has rules against that sort of thing.

Parties held in private rooms are another matter entirely. They can be every bit as wild as women fear. But not all men take part equally in the debauchery, says Allison, who exited the bachelor party planning business and now concentrates exclusively on bachelorette parties. She reports that at a typical gathering of guys, there will be two or three in the group who lurk in the back and aren’t really involved or even comfortable being there. Another two or three get seriously out of control. The rest get their thrills vicariously by egging on the two or three out-of-control guys.

Not surprisingly, there's a clear link between the quantity of liquor consumed and the chances that someone will engage in a potentially relationship-ending act. The more alcohol the party involves, the lower the inhibitions drop… and the more likely that someone at the party will end up doing something for which his girlfriend/bride-to-be/wife would kill him (if she found out).

But "bachelor party" need not be defined exclusively as "drunken orgy." There really are guys for whom it means going out in a group to a ball game, golf course, concert or casino, Allison says.

What's within your limits? If you’re getting married, you should be able to communicate honestly with each other about what's over the top — and if you can't, or if your input doesn't seem to matter to him, maybe you're not ready to walk up that aisle just yet.

"Just don’t go over your fiancé's head and talk to his best man without talking first to your fiancé," advises Caroline Tiger, author of How to Behave: A Guide to Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged. "That'll communicate a lack of trust, and if there’s one thing you want to establish before your wedding day… it’s trust."

And remember: girls also want to have fun, and you’ve got your own bachelorette party to enjoy. Just respect each other’s boundaries and don’t get sucked into an escalation of activities that go farther than either of you intended just to get even with each other. With any luck, you’re going to be married for a long time — and the most pleasurable nights of your lives will be those you spend together.

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