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MSN.COM - November '05
The truth about bachelor parties
by
Randy B. Hecht
Should you stress about bachelor parties? How many guys cross the line…and will
your guy be one of them? What's up with this need for "one last night of
freedom" before the wedding, anyway? Are they saying they expect that, once
they’re married, they’ll never have fun again?
According to Blaire Allison of New
York's Metro Event Planners,
the extent to which you'd be upset by what goes on at a bachelor party depends
on what kind of night the groom's friends have planned.
Parties held in a public place, whether
a bar, a restaurant, or even a strip club, don't run as wild as those for which
a private room is rented. There are some things one just doesn’t do in public —
if only because the establishment in question has rules against that sort of
thing.
Parties held in private rooms are another matter entirely. They can be every bit
as wild as women fear. But not all men take part equally in the debauchery,
says
Allison, who exited the bachelor party planning business and now concentrates
exclusively on
bachelorette
parties. She reports that at a typical gathering of guys, there will be two or
three in the group who lurk in the back and aren’t really involved or even
comfortable being there. Another two or three get seriously out of control. The
rest get their thrills vicariously by egging on the two or three out-of-control
guys.
Not surprisingly, there's a clear link
between the quantity of liquor consumed and the chances that someone will engage
in a potentially relationship-ending act. The more alcohol the party involves,
the lower the inhibitions drop… and the more likely that someone at the party
will end up doing something for which his girlfriend/bride-to-be/wife would kill
him (if she found out).
But "bachelor party" need not be defined
exclusively as "drunken orgy." There really are guys for whom it means going out
in a group to a ball game, golf course, concert or casino, Allison says.
What's within your limits? If you’re getting married, you should be able to
communicate honestly with each other about what's over the top — and if you
can't, or if your input doesn't seem to matter to him, maybe you're not ready to
walk up that aisle just yet.
"Just don’t go over your fiancé's head and talk to his best man without talking
first to your fiancé," advises Caroline Tiger, author of How to Behave: A Guide
to Modern Manners for the Socially Challenged. "That'll communicate a lack of
trust, and if there’s one thing you want to establish before your wedding day…
it’s trust."
And remember: girls also want to have fun, and you’ve got your own
bachelorette party to enjoy. Just respect each
other’s boundaries and don’t get sucked into an escalation of activities that go
farther than either of you intended just to get even with each other. With any
luck, you’re going to be married for a long time — and the most pleasurable
nights of your lives will be those you spend together.
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